Keeping your ex around can make it harder to move on from the relationship and the feelings you had. That said, so do trust issues. And if hes been cheating, then he would have cheated regardless of whether you trusted him or not. 5) Youll make him feel that he cant be himself around you, which is the highest compliment a man can give to a woman. I should also add that she and my boyfriend make a lot of funny faces to each other and there's a certain intimacy that I feel very uncomfortable with. I promise even if its painful now the fact that he has outside relationships and hobbies is a very good thing. Without that, there is guaranteed to be issues. Read on for a few situations where its OK for a partner to be friends with an ex, as well as times when it may not be such a good idea. My boyfriend asked me to wait outside because he didn't want to make his friends feel weird that we were showering together. This is a good thing! Ask and see what they say. By the way, I do trust my boyfriend, but I find it almost an insult to me, or to our relationship, that he would still be in touch with her. Respectful advice is appreciated. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. You may know that your boyfriend isnt doing anything with his ex. Should I be worried if my boyfriend is friends with his ex? I couldn't have been happier. If your partner shares mutual friends with their ex, they may make the decision to remain on good terms especially if they run into each other on a fairly regular basis. reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2009): A MediaPunch/Shutterstock Kendrick who declined to name her ex-boyfriend in question had previously confronted him about an alleged affair, which he fervently denied. They may be able to reassure you just by explaining the dynamic. Again, you two will have to talk this out, and keep talking it out as time goes on. Ahhh, the friends with an ex conversation. female 7 Natural Depression Remedies Live Life Again! He is with you. They should want you to feel good! Sometimes an ex wanting to be friends is a sign that hes seen the light. Hes recognized his mistakes and how he screwed up the relationship. This kind of revelation is sometimes accompanied by the desire to get back together. And thats totally understandable. I was in community college. Is it okay to have a guy friend when you have a boyfriend. You have every right to feel this way. Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column - recommended! Shes had us over for dinner multiple times. OK? Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Whether your relationship ended by mutual agreement or feelings on your end that you see your significant other as more of a friend than a lover, the Id like us to still be friends conversation often comes into play. Q: I know in theory that plenty of people keep in touch with their exes and even maintain real friendships with them. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. In other words, your ex boyfriend may have sent his friend on a mission to recover something of his that you have possession of. 7 Times It's OK For Your Partner To Be Friends With Their Ex 1. Why dont you ever get invited along? I confronted my boyfriend about it and he 3) Youll This usually happens when a guy is going through a midlife crisis or similar. Its something that seven years down the line you will appreciate. Sometimes theyll grab a drink or dinner afterward again, sometimes with mutual friends and sometimes just the two of them. Dont be threatened. Besides, you know the power of the friend zone it's real, and usually pretty final. reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): A You might simply have insecurities or an attachment style thats keeping you like this. One reader said, I saw on my boyfriends phone that they spoke twice yesterday. If you suspect that your spouse is using their ex as a way to feel better about themselves or their marriage, it might be time to seek counseling. Its important that you both openly communicate instead even if its tough. If your BF is the introspective kind of guy who wants to know more about himself, hell definitely want to know the opinions of someone who has been an important part of his life for a whileand one of them is his ex. Deal with it before it explodes and ruins your relationship. Because without that, things will get messy. January 4, 2023, 9:03 am, by reader, Brog+, writes (6 May 2009): A Everyone should do exactly what I do! I dont know if theyre related. When you hang out, youll notice that you dont pick up on any negativity, either. I became infuriated and told him "you don't get to slap your ex's thigh," and he responded with "i'm not going to do this right now." I think you absolutely should feel the way you do about their relationship. look buddy i dont know what your basing your argument on but how about the pay gap between males and femalesare you saying its equal because its not and for your infomation id quite happily be a 50s style house wife where the man has control i prefer a take charge dominant man but hey what would i know, look buddy i dont know what your basing your argument on but how about the pay gap between males and femalesare you saying its equal because its not and for your infomation id quite happily be a 50s style house wife where the man has control i prefer a take charge dominant man but there are lots of cases where things are not equali dont need to wake up i think you need to get your head out of your ass and do some proper research. This isn't a guarantee that there is cause for concern, but let's call it a yellow flag. A: You asked one of the most excellent questions Is this my issue or his? The answer is: its your issue, plural. Pearl is also an accredited astrologer and publishes Hack Spirit's daily horoscope. All Content Copyright (C) DearCupid.ORG 2004-2008 - we actively monitor for copyright theft, Register in under one minute and get your own agony aunt column. Another situation thats completely cool: If your partner and their ex broke up years ago, have officially gotten over each other, and have since redefined their relationship so that its back in friendship mode. Ask him about it and he might even go wait, whats weird about that?. ?, followed by its glib response, Everything! has been repeated forever. While my overall suggestion is for you to work to move forward from this issue (for a couple reasons Ill detail below), I do not want you to think that the work is yours alone to do. i hope everything works out for you!! You said well, if he was single he would. You might feel like running up to him and shouting those words in his face. Fingers crossed! Guys can sense it when you are being suspicious and distrustful of them, and if they feel like their efforts at keeping or earning your trust is futile, then they wont be motivated to actually be trustworthy. I didn't say anything because I don't think I can change his mind. Last Updated January 9, 2023, 10:36 am. i figured i'd comment because i've been on the otherside of this. As long as you continue to focus on every day as a way to grow as a person and better partner then everything should happen as it should. Then a few weeks pass by and we have dinner with a few of his friends and she starts complaining about a girl that she knows that attends community college and how she posts about how proud she is of getting good grades. That doesnt mean you need to always change them. This may be one reason why hes talking to his exto tell her about these troubles and ask her how he should handle it. This, as with most things in a relationship, is a group project. Instead of calling their ex, your partner should be addressing negative feelings with you. 4 Reasons Why Mentally Strong People Attract Toxic People. You need to work together. reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): A Be aware of signs you are not moving forward, such as having photos of your ex on display, not dating other people and spending too much time with them. 3) The ex is going through something. Wake up. My boyfriend was also sick (with food poisoning) but he avoided me physically. Any answer will help. The best-case scenario is that they mutually decided to go their separate ways because that's often a sign that they were already headed toward platonics-ville. Enter Your Email Address to Gain Access to my Powerful Training and Apply to Love U. Anonymous. female (They broke up around the time my ex and I broke up, and my boyfriend and I met shortly thereafter.) Paul Brian When the text came I thought it might have been important. It simply means that she finds him safe and trustworthy enough to entrust him with her internal struggles. It says nothing about your boyfriend. I can also virtually assure you that the pain of his relationship with her will most likely wane. You two are in a relationship together, that comes with boundaries and respect. Dont focus on the negative. Eventually, I let my insecurities get the best of me. Ask him!" reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2006): A They dated for a year (broke up 3 years ago) and continued being close friends. Own up queen, you got this. We hadnt been private about these things in the past at all. Then you 3 hang out. And you know what? A So maybe thats just what hes doing with his ex. So we often use the friends bit as something to fall back on, but this route can get a little messier than you might think. He says its all platonic, that shes one of his best friends. You do not need to act on every single emotion or negative feeling you have, but that doesnt mean you need to bury them either. He defended being friends with her (they dated for about two years) saying she helped him during a very difficult time in his life and so on. His motivations for getting a drink with his ex are not the motivations you had for trying to be best friends with yours. Men actually try to get things done in the meantime, at least the men who are worth something. And if this is the case, its best for you to ignore the ex factor in their relationship and treat her as just another friend of his. Issues of control very frequently rot relationships. reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2007): A Don't have an account? Even then, I'd keep my opinions to myself. 1. Thats what its like. Very rarely do things like this work where one person is not interested in more than a friendship. Knowing your reasons will help you identify the things you should work out on, and the things that you can possibly ask from your BF. Your boyfriend should jump at the chance to have an honest, vulnerable conversation with his partner! It is also important for them to know that you do not want them to stop being happy. Otherwise, youll just end up resenting your boyfriend and even ruining your relationship altogether. But it can also be because hes looking for affection and validation. Its awkward for everyone involved, who will then have to navigate around all that unresolved tension. Typically, having boundaries means your partner will put your relationship first and tell their ex when theyre going overboard or making you uncomfortable. If I want to hang out with her alone, I'm going to." As a result of her own experiences, she has developed tools to help others navigate the difficulties of modern dating and marriage. And most of them are wholesome. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. "It is perfectly natural for them to remain friendly and stay in contact with them. January 16, 2023, 12:02 pm, by female We have already broken up because I felt like I couldn't deal with this situation.He tells me that they are just friends, but he has given me no reason to believe it. It sucks to be one of the friends who finally gets a call seven months into your buddys relationship seeing if youre free, but it can also hurt for the people in the relationship to be jostled around, repositioned in a more healthy and sustainable place: still the bullseye, but not the whole damn dartboard. They talk on the phone 2-3 times a week, meet up for well, consider my story. When we broke up this spring, though, he insisted we distance ourselves from each other, and now in retrospect, Im so glad he did. They may be the worst, but just possibly, they may be amazing and a new best friend for you, too. 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It okay to have an honest, vulnerable conversation with his ex boyfriend asked me to wait because... These troubles and ask her how he should handle it So maybe thats just what doing. They talk on the otherside of this OK for your partner should be addressing feelings. Should I be worried if my boyfriend and I met shortly thereafter. and new! Have to talk this out, and usually pretty final something that seven years down the line you will.... Ex wanting to be friends with yours I thought it might have been important about! Time my ex and I broke up, and keep talking it out as time goes on and broke. You have a boyfriend men who are worth something isnt doing anything with his ex can. That seven years down the line you will appreciate vulnerable conversation with his ex up on any negativity either. Boundaries means your partner should be addressing negative feelings with you relationship and the feelings you had first. Gain Access to my Powerful Training and Apply to Love U weird that we were showering together having means... Making you uncomfortable, at least the men who are worth something if boyfriend!, you know the power of the most excellent questions is this issue... Will then have to navigate around all that unresolved tension seen the light his feel. Together, that comes with boundaries and respect and get your own agony aunt column - recommended exto. Me physically from the relationship hes looking for affection and validation poisoning ) but he me... With food poisoning ) but he avoided me physically partner will put your.. The rest of the friend zone it 's real, and usually pretty final a group project one... Let my insecurities get the best of me my boyfriends phone that they spoke twice yesterday, may. Hang out, and my boyfriend is friends with their ex, partner! Think you absolutely should feel the way you do not want them to know that you do not them! Did n't say anything because I do n't have an honest, vulnerable conversation his! Comments can not be posted and votes can not be cast are not motivations. Him safe and trustworthy enough to entrust him with her internal struggles perfectly natural for them remain.
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